Having been in and lived through a horrific car accident seventeen years ago, I can't imagine EVER forgetting to wear my seatbelt. But more importantly, ever forgetting my children's seatbelt. More times than I can count, I have watched people drive by with no regard to seatbelt laws or safety. This morning as I was stopped at the red light at the intersection of Moseley and Reid, a car passed by with a woman driving holding a baby. She was smiling and she kissed the baby on the head as they passed. It was apparent that she loved this baby...................but doesn't driving HOLDING a baby contradict this? What if I hadn't been paying attention and ran through the red light? I just don't understand this. We, as a society know how dangerous driving can be. And I understand how hard it is to listen to your baby cry for you in their car seat. I understand sleepless nights. I understand being in a hurry.............I understand many things. But, this.........this one thing I do not understand. Does it really take a life changing car accident to make someone wear their seatbelt? Very few people know that because of my accident I have a piece of my life completely gone. It begins one day and then skips over a few weeks and begins again. On one hand, I know that I am lucky to not remember any of the accident or the recovery days that followed, but I can't tell you how hard I've tried to focus on it, to just remember one thing. Just one! I have numerous scars inside and out to keep my memory of that day alive, but only stories of the actual event and the days and weeks that followed it. To me, it is like a dream, because as hard as I try to find those memories............they're just not there. Sometimes when the family starts reliving "the accident" I think that I've remembered something. But, I've heard the stories so many times and pictured them in my head that I'm sure I'm just living it through them. That was the day, so they say, that the old Becky died...............and the meaner one took her place. I remember who I was and I remember many people. And over the years, my memory has gotten better. But for a long time after the accident people would speak to me when I'd be out shopping or at work.......................and I'd have no idea who they were. I remembered people who were my center, my heart. But even in the beginning it was apparent that I didn't even remember them. And I can't imagine how that must have felt to them. But those people were the first to come back to me. Kirk, Mama, Daddy, the boys, playing with Gabe when we were little, Melissa............but that was about it. I remember driving to the grocery in Welaka that day. I remember thinking what a cute, little store it was and what a small town Welaka really is. I remember thinking that I hoped Kirk remembered to use my id# at Scotty's to get a discount on the living room paint. I remember driving home. And then, it just stops. And I'm not exactly sure when it starts back up again. I drove the epitome of what people refer to as a "muscle car". It was built for speed. I loved my cutlass. I loved the color, I loved the sound of the motor when I revved it up and I loved the attention it gave such a shy girl. It was beautiful. It was royal blue and I'd give anything to still have it. Ryley would have loved it. I wish I'd been sane enough to ask Kirk or mom to save something from the car for me before it was hauled away to the junk yard. The one thing I'd want...................and this is going to sound really strange.....................is the driver side door lock. It was silver with a small point and unscrewed from the door. It was also the thing that gave me one of my numerous scars. As I was thrown from the car through my open window, I was pulled along that lock on my left side. And for some reason..............out of the whole car..................that is what I'd keep. And maybe the steering wheel. Is that weird? I felt so small, yet so big when I drove that car. Making myself drive again was hard after the accident. That was a huge step for me. I felt like I couldn't remember how to do anything. I couldn't remember people, I couldn't remember how to match my clothes...........I couldn't remember simple things. And then one day, it gradually started coming back. But that one small space in my life is still gone. I can't believe I've rambled on about this for so long. I hardly ever think about the accident any more. But today, seeing that.............for some reason, it brought it all back. If you've managed to make it through this whole blog...........please, please, please try to remember to wear your seatbelt. It is so important. I wasn't wearing mine on that day so long ago and I am still alive, but I firmly believe you're only allowed so many close calls. So take a few seconds and do something for yourself or for your family or for the stranger who's life may forever be changed because of you................and buckle up.
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