The brown paper bag......................

I've had a busy couple of days going back and forth to the vet with Moo, doctor's appointments for myself, teaching Bailey to drive(which seems to be keeping me up at night) and Christmas shopping. So when I pick the kids up from school, I always ask how their day went. But lately...........................I'm embarrassed to say this out loud, I've only been half listening. I do the occasional "uh-huh's" and focus in and out, but my mind has been anywhere but here lately. So, one day this week, after coming straight from the Vet, I picked the kids up from school. As I approached the parent pickup, I noticed that Ryley was carrying a brown paper bag. "Great, that's just what I need to deal with today......................a kid who's pooped in his pants.", I muttered to myself. I rolled down the window to talk to my mom at parent pickup and fill her in on how Moo was doing; which brought numerous questions from the kids about Moo; which only made me forget about the brown paper bag. We got home, they had their afternoon snacks and then they started on homework while I began dinner. Later that evening, the brown paper bag popped into my head. I went into Ryley's room and asked him why he'd pooped in his pants today. He looked at me like I was crazy. Fine, I'll play this game, I thought. "Where are your underwear?", I asked him. Again, I got another weird look from him. Then he pointed to himself and said, "on me". "Eeeewwwww, Ryley. You left them on all day? Why didn't you take them off?", I asked. "Cause I like them.", he replied. Ok, this was getting me no where quick. "Where is the brown paper bag?", I spat out. "I put it under the tree for you." he said smiling. "Why on Earth would you put it under the tree?", I asked him. "Cause it has a surprise in it." he said matter of factly. "Ryley, that is just gross! I want you to go and get your underwear and throw them away. I just don't think I can handle trying to clean them today.", I said feeling like I'd just been beaten. "Ok, which ones?" he asked. "The ones with the poop in them!!!", I screamed. I could see how confused he was so I added, "in the brown paper bag.". "You put poopy underwear in the brown paper bag?", he asked me. What? Now I was confused. "NO, get the dirty underwear that you brought home today in the brown paper bag and throw them away." I said. "But there's presents in there, Mom!", he said as he started getting upset. "Yea, I got that! Of the poop kind! Fine! I'll do it myself!", I said. I walked over to the tree where he'd placed the brown paper bag and opened it up. And there, in that bag wasn't dirty underwear, but presents that he'd bought from the Santa shop at school. Grandma had given him money to buy presents for everyone for Christmas. I'd taken one look at the brown paper bag and assumed the worst. He'd tried to tell me and did I listen? Nope, I guess I only heard what I wanted to hear. What can I say? I'm a mom. I am all knowing...............or so I thought. 

Pants on the ground...........

Today's funny gives new meaning to the song "Pants on the ground".........................

I haven't seen much of Kirk these last few days because he's been working nights. This is nothing new to us, but with Moo getting sick and Christmas just around the corner.............it's been kind of hectic for both of us. But this morning when I got up and checked my email, I noticed I'd gotten an email from Kirk. He'd written me a super sweet email saying how much he'd missed me and that he wanted to stay up with me today while the kids were at school and take me to lunch. Well, as wonderful as that sounded I had a doctor's appointment at 9:30 and numerous errands to run. He didn't care. He said he'd just ride with me. So, off we went. The doctor's visit was the first thing on my list and needless to say..............ended up being the longest. I tried to warn him. It doesn't help that my doctor, Brenda Kennedy is also my friend. So, my visits tend to take a little longer and are generally filled with lots of laughter in between serious talk. After the visit was said and done we had a few errands to run and finally it was lunch time. Kirk excused himself to run to the restroom and a few minutes later came back with the biggest grin on his face. "What's so funny?", I asked. He proceeded to tell me that when he went into the bathroom, he noticed that someone was in one of the stalls and had not only taken their pants, shirt and shoes off to use the restroom, but had folded them neatly on the floor. So, apparently there is someone in Palatka who feels comfortable enough to not only use a public restroom for these little emergencies, but feels comfortable.........or brave enough to do this completely NAKED from head to toe!!!! All Kirk could get out between giggles was, "That's some serious shitting when you have to completely undress!".

My golden rule..................

Few people know how addicted Bailey is to herbal tea. She has a mug of sleepytime tea every night before bed. It's always the same.........two spoons of sugar and one spoon of honey. Anyway, back to the story...............Bailey and I were going to watch a movie together since Kirk was working and she asked if I wanted some hot tea. For those of you who aren't familiar with teenage lingo, that last little question actually meant......when you make yourself some, make me some too. Not the other way around. We kept talking and then all of the sudden, Bai decided she should take a shower before we watched the movie. So, while she was in the shower I fixed myself the first mug of hot tea I've had in years. Being unable to drink tea because of my kidneys has made me a little wary of herbal tea as well. And it was heavenly! Oh how I've missed tea..........I'm getting off track here-aren't I? Bailey came back a little while later and was in the kitchen with the sink on for what seemed like an eternity! Finally, I heard the microwave turn on and then the water started again. I finally got up and asked what she was doing. In her hand she held two Santa mugs full of herbal tea that she'd prepared for us. "Did you make that for me?", I asked. "Well yea, you said you wanted some.", she said as if that had ever mattered before. "Why did you make it in those mugs?", I asked looking at the beautiful Santa shaped mug she held out to me. "Uuuhhhh, because it's CHRISTMAS time?", she replied back as if I were the stupidest person on the planet. And there it was..................my beautiful, considerate daughter whom I love to the moon and back had not only done something special for me, but reminded me of a rule I swore I'd never break. Never being particularly rich(in the money sense of the word), I always thought it strange that people bought things like dishes and never, under any circumstances used them. I always thought, if I love something enough to buy it, why wouldn't I use it every, single day? Well, it looks as if I, myself have been caught doing the exact, same thing. I'm the perfect example of someone who uses their good china every, single day, but apparently refuses to use the Christmas plates and mugs for anything but decoration. Well today....................that changes!

The pillow wall............

As I walked into my bedroom this morning to make the bed, it occurred to me that Kirk and I may have some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to pillows. What started with my one to his two, has now turned into a whopping four a piece. On our bed, after seventeen years of marriage.......... we have EIGHT pillows! Not throw pillows or decorative pillows................regular pillows. My routine is always the same, I start in the middle of the bed closest to Kirk, but by morning I'm literally falling off the bed on my side. And while I've slept, I've unknowingly created a wall of pillows separating the two of us. This drives him absolutely crazy and when he mentions it to me, I just laugh it off. But for some reason this morning, seeing the actual wall.........it hit me. So today, December 6th will begin my new journey. A journey where one..................ok, maybe two pillows will be enough for me. I can do this. I will NOT build a wall and sleep alone.